Hi Ho, Hi Ho, it's off to work he goes...

Today was hubby's first day at his new job! The little things I never really thought about before were really enjoyable today. Like packing his lunch - before, I would just pack it and set it out. Today, I took extra care while packing it, trying to make sure to pack things that might make his day go a little better.

I got an email from him after lunch. He said his day was going good, which was good to hear. It was just like old times - like life is getting back to normal.

But, with this normalcy comes guilt. Here our life is getting back to normal while others are still struggling. Hubby is now working while others are losing their jobs. We're going to get back on our feet while others are having to take jobs that may pay only half their old salary - just to get by. Others are selling prized possessions just to pay the mortgage or electric bill. I feel so deeply terrible for these men and women. With each sigh of relief I sigh, a feeling of sadness creeps in. Why us? Why are we the fortunate ones? Is our good fortune going to last?

On Sunday, the pastor at our church preached on why we should not worry or fret about finances, but trust in God. I do trust in Him. I can honestly say I have felt His presence with us during this recent struggle. For example, that first week our food bill was only $70. Also, we were able to pay our mortgage payment and get by for this past month without having to borrow money from our family. And, we didn't have to move and Hubby didn't have to take a job out of town. That way, he can be home at night to spend time with his special little guy.

My heart goes out to those who are still unemployed and those who are soon to lose their job. Like the 250 who will be let go from First Tennessee and the electrician who lost his job today. My heart also goes out to those who go to work each day worrying if they will still be employed next week, next month, or this time next year.

For now, I am thankful to be packing lunches for hubby again. I just hope he's as thankful for what I pack him.

He Got A Job!!!

We have great news!!! Hubby was offered a job today! The job is almost identical to what he did at ImagePoint with comparable pay. And, it's here in Knoxville (believe it or not!). It is a 6 month contract-to-hire position. I can't believe it! Can it be true? Could this painful period in our life be coming to an end?


Frankly, I'm really afraid to believe it. What if, for some reason, my excitement blows it? What if, for some reason, they change their mind and decide not to fill the position after all? The company is very reputable and also very stable. So, the threat of coming to work one day to find out that the company is shutting down is very low. But, I don't think I will actually be able to fully exhale and relax until he gets through his first week.


After he called me today to give me the good news, I walked out of my office and started shouting (ok-it probably sounded like squeaking). Most everyone within earshot of me came over and were as excited as I was, which was so sweet. They have been such a support to me during this time. I also called my mom and dad. They were so excited and relieved as well. They have been very worried about us and have really hated seeing us go through this. As has hubby's sister and brother, his parents, my brother, and our sweet friends. So many people have given us words of encouragement, offered us help in many ways, and prayed for us incessantly. We have been so touched through this time.

We have seen both the good side of people and the bad. But, maybe the bad is just because of ignorance. Ignorance of how it feels to be jobless, worrying about how the bills will get paid and food will be put on the table, all while watching your loved one feeling helpless and rejected. They say that ignorance is bliss. And, maybe it's true. But, it is also very sad when people who are ignorant to situations such as ours have little or no compassion for those going through tough times such as this.

So, now what's next for us? I'm still being cautious, at least until next week. I'll breathe a little easier then. But, to celebrate, I think I'll treat myself to Starbucks in the morning. Nothing like a good Latte, huh?

Getting back to normal-sort of

I had a bit of a nice shock this past week. Hubby got his waiting week unemployment check payment along with his regular unemployment check. With that extra money, plus the blessings we've had over the past couple of weeks, we were actually able to make our February mortgage payment ON TIME!!!! I couldn't even believe it! I was prepared to call the mortgage company this next week and set up a payment arrangement. Now, we can wait to do that until March (if we have to at that time). I don't think I've ever enjoyed making a mortgage payment as much as that one.

The "Big Guy" is taking care of us just as He always has. But, he does have a pretty quirky sense of humor too. On Friday, our home computer crashed. I mean, super crash like a NASCAR type crash. Hubby was trying to download a VB.net update when-KABOOM! We didn't even get the "blue screen of death". It went straight to black. To make matters worse, he couldn't find the recovery cd to repair the computer. We have XP Professional on that computer. The only place in town that had it was OfficeMax...for $300! So, at 8:30 pm, I was driving to OfficeMax to pick up this box that, by weight, shouldn't have costed more than $10. On the way back home, Hubby called to let me know that he thought he had found the recovery cd. After I got back home, I took the box upstairs to him and came back down to check on our son, who was mysteriously quiet. When he is unusually silent in a sign of one thing-he's in trouble. He had decided to use our leather couch as a blank canvas on which to draw with a ballpoint pen! His artwork was quite spectacular. However, my anger overshadowed my appreciation for great art at that moment. Luckily, I remembered from "How Clean Is Your House" that hairspray will remove fresh ink from leather. I was able to get most of it off. Maybe, if we ever sell it, the buyer will have an appreciation for 5 year old artwork.

Our son loves watching videos of himself when he was just a baby. He gets such a kick out of watching him talking and playing. As I watch these videos, I can't help but think what happened to that time. I see our little house we had and wish we were back there. Not for financial reasons, but just because I miss that house. It was our first home. Don't get me wrong, it was small-950 square feet. It has old wooden windows that were really drafty. It has these old white curtains that came with the house (my mom HATED those curtains). It only has 1 bathroom and small closets that barely held our clothes. But, it was the first house we had ever bought. It was where we brought our son home from the hospital. It was where we had some great times and spectacular arguments. It has a huge backyard (although most of it was downhill and wooded). It had great neighbors too.

Hubby said it best today-I wonder what the future holds in store for us. Looking at those videos, back then I wouldn't have thought we would be living in the house we are in now. Nor would I have ever believed that we would be going through this tough time right now. I mean, everyone uses computers. The entire planet uses the internet. If a company doesn't have a website, they are considered obsolete. So, why is it so terribly difficult for my husband, who is great at what he does, to find work? As Christians, we are supposed to trust in God. But, the control freak in me also wants to know what to expect, what's going to happen.

I know I say this each week, but I'm hoping we get good news about a job this week. Hubby has heard about a couple of opportunities, and I'm hopeful that at least one of them pans out this week.

February 9th

February 9th is not my favorite date. Some dates are good dates - my wedding anniversary, my son's birthday, my parents' anniversary. February 9th is not one of those dates.

My maternal grandmother passed away on February 9, 2001. It was a sudden loss (she died from an aortic aneurysm), and I still miss her. I miss her wonderful biscuits that she made and her awesome chicken casserole. She also always carried around those little plastic rain bonnets that older ladies wear. After she passed away, my mother and I found those all over her apartment. Mom brought me one the other day. I put it in a drawer in my kitchen for "safe keeping". She also loved me and my brother so tremendously. I wish I could tell her now how much I appreciated that, even though I stunk at showing it.

We had to have our cat Tom put to sleep February 9, 2004. Tom was my husband's cat long before I was in the picture. He showed up on my husband's doorstep as a kitten with his little bottom jaw almost torn off. My father-in-law, along with my husband and his sister, took Tom to the vet hoping that the vet could save him. The vet successfully reattached Tom's bottom jaw, and he earned his place in that household. Tom lived 18 years when he unfortunately developed cancer. What's funny is that the very next day, hubby went to the pound and got a kitten who looked EXACTLY like Tom. His name is Charlie, and I have to say, he acts more like Tom each day.

Now, February 9th has another fateful meaning-it's been 1 month since hubby lost his job. Hubby is still jobless and is still desperately trying to get a job. Fortunately, we are doing better financially. For this, we are truly thankful. Maybe, we'll get good news today that will help make February 9th a little brighter.

Still plugging along...

It's been a few days since I blogged, and I have to say I've missed it. It's been quite a week, I have to say. Hubby has continued his search for a job, but no luck so far. Although the number of leads have increased, which for that we are thankful. And, we were able to pay our bills that are due for this pay period (I get paid every other week). For once in a couple of weeks, I can breathe a little easier.

I had a little bit of a scare on Thursday. I was at work when I started having dizzy spells. I would be sitting at my desk working when, all of a sudden, the room would start spinning. I would have to hold on to my desk chair and try not to fall out. The spells would continue for about 30 seconds then stop. Then, after about a minute or two, another one would hit. At first, I thought that it might have been an anxiety attack because I was in emotional overload when they started.

First, hubby had met with the recruiter that morning who wanted to update him that there was no update (I know-sounded crazy to us too). The recruiter, though, is a very nice man who is trying very hard to find jobs for not only hubby but others as well. Then, my dad had called me. I love my dad. He is a really wonderful man. He and I have a special bond that exists between a father and daughter. We have inside jokes that we are constantly laughing at, and I can talk to him about anything that's going on. He is really worried about us as is my mom. They love us very much, and worry that we will not ask for help if we desperately need it. So, he called to reassure me that he and mom are there for us and will help with anything. I just can't stand the thought of taking money from them. I know that is what family is for, but they have struggled for so long. They are finally getting to a point where they don't have to struggle and worry so much, and the last thing I want to be is a burden on them. They deserve some peace, and the fact that I am causing them to worry breaks my heart. So, I reassured him that I would let him know if we needed help. And, I will keep that promise to him because he has always kept his promises to me. Next, a good friend came by to give me some advice about what we could do as far as finances. He is a sweet man who genuinely cares about me, and I do appreciate it. It's just hard because I don't want to be a distraction to everyone. It was after the 3rd visit that the dizzy spells got really bad and I almost passed out.

I thought that eating lunch might help, but it didn't. I almost passed out again and had a hard time making sense when I talked to people. So, I called the doctor and got an appointment very quickly. Stupid me drove myself to the doctor. But, my thought was if it was something silly, I would have caused someone to miss work. And, it did turn out to be something silly-a double ear infection. I thought that only happened to kids!! Does that mean I'm really a kid and not a grown up? Wouldn't that be a dream?? I'm thankful that is all it was and it wasn't something more serious. But, before I found out what it was, I was scared. What if it is something serious? What will we do? I'm the only one working right now and it's important that I keep working. Plus, I've been trying to stay healthy. I've been taking vitamins, working out, eating oranges like they are going out of style. I've tried eating healthier (although I HAVE to have a chili dog every now and then). Had all of this work gone to waste?

And, I've been crying a lot more lately. It is hard for me to accept gifts and prayers. Don't get me wrong, I truly appreciate them. But, it's hard because I'm used to doing for others. We got a letter from our church letting us know that the ministerial staff are praying for us. It was signed by each one of them with little written notes from them. When I read it, I broke down. I couldn't hold it in. I saw my aunt at Wal-Mart a couple of weeks ago. I had been able to tell others about what had happened without showing too much emotion. But, for some reason, when I told her, I started to cry-right there in the produce isle. Luckily, I was able to regain my composure quickly. I feel so bad when I cry, especially if hubby sees me. He needs someone who will be strong and not gripey or fussy or emotional. He needs someone who will take care of things and deal with these problems. He doesn't need someone who will just throw her hands up and run or walk around crying all the time.

I also feel so bad when I come home and gripe about my day at work. I've had a hard couple of weeks at work, and I'm the type that just has to vent or else I'll blow up. And, I usually vent to him. But, I feel even worse when I do because I feel like I'm making him feel bad that he's not working. Here he is desperately trying to find a job and here I come in griping about the job that I'm blessed to have. It's not right for me to do this, but it's worse for me to hold it in and let it keep building up.

A sweet friend of mine gave me a free dinner for two coupon yesterday. So, hubby and I are having a date night tonight. It will be nice just to go out and have a nice time together. It will be the best date we've had in a long time.

Today is our son's 5th birthday. It's been a good day. Last night, I took back some unopened chips and drinks that we had left over from his birthday party on Saturday. A month ago, I would have just kept them, but now, every penny counts. When I took them back, a young man who worked there looked at me and snidley snickered. It was kind of humiliating. But, I am proud to say I didn't rip his head off and stuff it up his huge butt. I just calmly stood there and tried to ignore him. He may have to go through something like this some day. He eventually walked away, and the cashier sweetly processed the return and gave me the money back. I used that $10 to buy my son's birthday gift. On Saturday, when we went to pick up his cake and balloons, he spotted a truck on the top shelf of the chip isle. He said, "Mommy, can I have that?" It was $8. I said, "Sweetie, I'll come back and get it. OK?" He smiled and said, "OK, Mommy." At that point, I would have done anything to get him that $8 toy. So, last night, after he went to bed, I wrapped his little truck, put a card signed by both me and hubby on the front of it, and neatly put it on the table. He opened it this morning, and I do believe it is one of his favorite toys. He's driven it all over the house today. Luckily, I have a coupon for batteries when he wears these out.



Looking back over the past 5 years, it's amazing what all has happened within that time. Over the past 5 years, we have had a child we thought we would never be able to have. We have also went on vacations, bought cars, sold our first home and bought our dream home. We've survived cancer, suffered through surgeries, managed through medical scares, and lost two beloved grandparents and three beloved pets. We've gone to concerts, seen movies, attended parties, catered a wedding, and been in two productions of "The Living Christmas Tree". We've started attending church and volunteered to help those less fortunate. We've also had arguments, both with us and others, fought for what we thought was right, and said things that we probably should have kept to ourselves.



Looking back, I realize that we have had our share of ups and downs. We have had really great times and hard times too. And, though this time right now is really tough, we will get through this. It is hard, though, to keep thinking that when you are trying to come up with $8 to buy your son's birthday gift.

On a good note, we are seeing God's work through this. I was going through the mail that I had put off opening (mostly bills). I saw an envelope from our mortgage company that I thought was just a tax statement. Turns out, it was a check for $240! It was an overage of our escrow account. So, we can now pay our HOA dues. For this, I am very truly thankful.

What if we could be more like kids?

I've been around kids all weekend, which has been fun. We had our son's 5th birthday party yesterday and had several other 5 year olds over to our house. It was a nice break just to celebrate this wonderful little guy. And, today, we went to the park and took advantage of the 60 degree day. The park was filled with other children who were playing with their parents and grandparents. We climbed and slid and spent a wonderful afternoon together, just the three of us. Everytime I look at him, my heart just swells with joy.

Spending so much time around these children got me to thinking - what if we could be more like children? Think about it for a second. First, kids don't care what kind of job you have. A job is just something that keeps you apart for several hours a day. As long as you have time to spend with them when the day is done - that's all they care about. Second, kids are thrilled by things that adults normally get annoyed by. Our son LOVES trains. The highlight of his day is if we get stopped by a passing train. Kids also love watching garbage trucks. Seeing the garbage person take the trash and dump it in the big truck, listening to the "bam, boom, crash, and seeing the yellow siren light on top of the truck is awesome to a child. Third, kids aren't prejudiced. A child is a child, no matter what race, nationality or religion. The only rules that matter to kids are "play nice", "wait your turn", and "share your toys with others". Plus, when kids fall down or get hurt, a kiss and a hug from Mom or Dad makes it all better.

Adults can learn a lot from their children. For one, see your job as just that-a job. It is not your life. This is hard for me because I take my job very seriously. Sometimes, it's hard to "turn it off" at 5:00 pm. I need to learn how to leave work at work and focus more on my family. Also, take time to enjoy the little things, even if it means being a few minutes late for work. On the way to work Friday, my son and I got caught by a train. It was so nice just sitting there with him, just watching the train, listening to the "clickety-clack" of the rails, and wondering where the train might be headed. There were cars who zoomed past us trying to get to the short cut around the tracks, and I couldn't help but feel sorry for them, especially if they had children with them. They don't know what they are missing. And, it's important to see people for what they are-people. A person is not truly defined by their color, their nationality or their religion. They are defined by what they are in their heart.

And, when we are hurt and have fallen, it's still nice to have Mom or Dad to give you a big hug and tell you everything will be alright, even if they can't fix it.